valentine l.

i wish i could share something more positive here (i will! i promise!). but i really want to keep using this platform, and i guess these kinds of doubts are just inherent to the creative process, right?

for months now i've been in this constant dilemma of "i should be more demanding of my work, not doing so means i don't respect the craft" vs "i should keep creating, even when it's bad, so i can be good one day". fortunately, i haven't given up and stopped drawing or writing, like i did years ago, but every time i think i've finally made peace with having zero expectations (for better or worse), it never lasts long.

i wasn't trying to make any point or reflection here. i just wanted to say this somewhere, and everyone i've talked to about this gets irritated or simply doesn't understand 😭

anyway, goes back to writing...

note: when editing the post i accidentally deleted two bullets *sobs* i hope you hadn't seen that.

it has been a while since i last wandered around here.
january has been a lot... applying for internships, reading three books a week, daily exercises, cleaning up what had piled up during the second half of 2025, trying to mantain a social life, fighting the second hand i have now phone after mine was stolen, and struggling with mental health (all while melting in the summer heat)... i blinked and it's suddendly february.

i wanted to post an update on what i've been working on, even in the middle of the chaos.

• hey sweetheart one shot from ficwip: probably the longest one shot i've written until now (that's not a lot but still). i have a strong take on surveyor and emergency transport and i want to share it. they are so doomed and hungry and a mess... a hot, tragic mess i can never shut up about.
• drabbles: whether from  100words , ficwip's biweekly drabbles or vocab_drabbles, they had been my salvation when i feel insecure about my skill (which is stupid!!!! why do i compare myself? why am i putting so much pressure on myself?) 100 words had helped me practice without expecting high stakes, but still feeling proud of mysef once done <3 i have so much fun with them.
• summer ficlets: i just love tooth rotting fluff. i've been using the prompts in this bingo. for now, i'm focusing on those prompts that could be part of this modern AU where they (luchino and eli, who else!!!!!) are in a established relationship. that means summer fling will have to wait.
• we eat doves post mortem drabble fest: from this community i found last time i checked dreamwidth! love the concept, love the prompts. even when i already have so much on my plate, i wanted to give it a try... then i realized i don't think i will add my fills to the collection. what if someone sees the profile and calls me out? it's just my anxiety talking, oh.

i think that's all? i keep finding prompts and challenges and events when i totally should focus on what i already have. yesterday i was literally looking from valentine's themed prompts for february, as if i didn't have everything above and a long story to finish...